What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
