we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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