so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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