the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
