ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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