i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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