We named our party play list daddy issues
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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