does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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