um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
