I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
