the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
