But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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