i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
