He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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