Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
