I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
