nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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