I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
