New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
