booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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