I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
