Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
