its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Life is so much better after having sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I deserve this hangover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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