My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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