I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
