Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
