You can't special order awesome
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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