you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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