She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
