I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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