If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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