Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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