babies were throwing up all over the place
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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