that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
