I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
