It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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