had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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