I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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