so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
