Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
