Apparently you make a good broom.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
