check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
