So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
