I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
