Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i've created a new STD.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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