Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
