hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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