I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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