i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
