It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
