Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
