I hate all girls vehemently.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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