you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
