Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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