Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
