you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
