brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
