Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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