i don't like sucking hair
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
