it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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