you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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