Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
