Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
