He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
