If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have tasted many bathrooms
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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